I met my partner in 1996 and have been married nine years now. Since having my child i lost interest in sex, I would go through fazes of making effort to dwindeling to once every 4 weeks maybe twice if he was lucky.
I felt guilty, in the back of my mind I was scared he'd look for someone else just for sex. But this fear wasn't enough to help me make the effort.
I am tired alot from working six afternoons a week. Looking after a 3 year old, knakering in itself. Not to mention, college once a week so I am writting essays, housework, shopping. Once my little one is in bed I just want to slump infront of the tv or go to bed with a book.
Anyway two weeks ago my husband dropped a bomshell on me. He wanted to re-light my fire by telling me the thought of him watching another man taking me really turns him on. He told me to have fun and cop off with other men. It was really about him wanting to sleep with other women. I knew it was comming lets face it. He made me feel like i was so boaring and abnormal for being tired a lot!
I was in a complete state of shock, He told me he wasn't happy which devestated me to be honest. I was very upset for two days.
Anyway We signed up to a couple of swinging websites. One has memebr stories. Its all about swapping, gang bangs etc. Mega horny stuff!! This alone has re-lighted my fire!! I think we hit a record, 5 times in a week Yeeeehaaaa!! LOL
I do fantasise about taking it a step further, but I am also panic stricken by the idea too. It is highly exciting the thought of it. But the reality is a different thing.
We have no experiance what so ever but I am considering it. I may just find a snog to see how it feels. I don't know what my mates will think of me if i cop off being married?? Or my workmates. I will be judged, people will probably think i am a slag.
The thing is we are so bent on tradition...I got married in Catholic church. My mum would go mad if she knew what we have discussed never mind taking ACTION. But isn't this just CONDITIONING AND TABOO...Sex should be enjoyed. For me it felt like a chore in truth! I still find my husband sexy, I love him so much. I need to do something.
One of my friends says I should sort out my own issues before considering other people. MAYBE. Like I say the stories work for me, do we need any more? I really don't know.
I'd love to send sexy e-mails to people and get some in return. A chat room would be fun too with my husband, we don't have a video so if anyone can recomend one without a video for now until we get one that would be great.
I am guessing there are plenty of other newbies in a muddle like me that can relate to what I am going through.
I just need to get it off my chest. I can't really talk to anyone I know as it is so intimate and a bit embarrasing. I have only told one friend via e-mail as she lives away, i don't see her often and she is my best m8. I knew she'd be none judgemental which is what someone like me needs right now.
Look forward to hearing from ANYONE at all with a similer story or any advice. Maybe you remember what it felt like to be where I am today.
