Bad Date S.O.S

Most of us have been there. You met them online, your meeting them for the first time, and they are nothing that they made themselves out to be; nightmare. For those of you that can’t bear to carry on with the date, or are too wimpish to just be honest, then may you find the following excuses handy for you next dating disaster.


Try some old fashioned sickness. Infectious diseases, cystitis, or diarrhea are all failsafe excuses that should not be forgotten whist on a bad date.

Try pulling the ‘I’m a bit weird’ trick and start discussing your latest fave topic. We’re thinking trains, embalming, taxidermy. Either or all is good, however make sure that there isn’t a possibility in hell that they are into that sort of thing, otherwise you might be in danger of creating a ‘we really are destined for each other moment’. Awkward.

Showing signs of deep emotional trouble could also be a winner. There’s a long list of topics that you shouldn’t talk about on a first date; top are bad sexual experiences and your parents abandoning you.

Try to always do the opposite. Whatever they like or dislike ensure that you’re one step behind them with your answers. For instance; Your date, “I hate high maintenance people”. You, “Really, I spend 4 hours in front of the mirror getting ready.....and that’s just before I get in bed!”. Your date, “I love cats”. You, “really, I own a Rottweiler, he loves cats too”. We can assure you that the date will end quickly and they won’t be calling you back.

Nose picking. Now, there is always a chance that your date loves embalming, taxidermy, has tablets for cystitis, carries Imodium Instants, can empathize with your parents abandoning you, hates their cat, and loves someone who is totally not like them; this could be a problem. In this scenario you will be questioning if our recommended tactics might work so please now use the failsafe; nose picking. Remember though, nose picking is your ‘last resort tactic’ as you have a reputation to keep up here. Should the person still remain after said nose picking, then move swiftly onto operation ‘complete and utter weirdo’ alert. Stay in a public area and phone the police because there is no way, absolutely no way, that anyone even remotely normal would ever hang about after that.

We hope that you find some comfort in knowing these failsafe bad date SOS tactics, and in future you’re able to feel a lot more confident about how to get out the door quick. One thing though, if you do ever find yourself on a date which is going rather swimmingly, and out of the blue your date starts picking their nose, run.

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