2:46 pm Wednesday, 29th May, 2019
Flying these days is frisky business, with long queues at airport security and lengthy flights with noisy passengers, there's no surprise we look for some kinky 'in-flight entertainment' to relax for the journey ahead.
For those of you looking to earn your membership card to The Mile High Club on your next flight, then we have seven tips on knocking knees without causing too much turbulence.
And let's face it who doesn't want to tick bonking on a Boeing off their sex goal bucket list?
Think about booking the red eye if you're determined to do the deed at 30,000 feet. Blankets and pillows are passed out, dinner is served, and the lights go out. Not only do your fellow fliers doze off, but so does more than half of the overnight flight crew, who will take turns napping. Few people are awake. Few people need the restroom. The sky is suddenly full of possibilities.
If you can afford it, treat yourself to getting your wings in style. It's not a coincidence that the majority of current members of the MHC are high earners. It's not because they have a higher libido, but high-rolling passengers get away with a lot more.
The best moment to leave to make love in the lav is when the drinks trolley has just passed you. The flight attendants will be too preoccupied serving tea and coffee to notice you scuttling off to get a mouthful of something else hot. Plus, their cart will partially block the aisle, making it inconvenient for other people to get to the loo – which is convenient for you.
Once everyone else on the plane is asleep or preoccupied with their lukewarm plane food, excuse yourself to the bathroom. You and your partner should ideally walk to the lavatory together. You don't want to be too obvious, but you also don't want a stranger slipping in the queue between the two of you. One of you should enter, wait a few moments, then unlock the door and allow the other to slide in casually (so to speak).
Even if you've ended up in an economy class bathroom with barely enough room to move, you can still make magic happen. Have him sit on the toilet, and you sit on his lap, facing away, and guide him into you. This means you can have your feet flat and brace to help with deep, grinding penetration. Another great position is to lean against the door or over the sink and then spread your legs slightly, maybe raising one leg, to help him enter you. Because he can't penetrate too deeply, it makes sure that things don't get so out of hand you don't notice the flight attendant at the door.
Joining the MHC doesn't just have to be achieved by full-on fornication in the lavatory. But in reality, most would-be joiners never even leave their seats. Why not try a cheeky under-the-blanket body frisk or lifting the armrest to get up close and personal on your next sleazyjet flight? Forget the cute little play-suits or tight jeans that make your bum look good. Loose clothing is ideal for quick access. Just remember, aeroplanes are public conveyances, so if you get caught, you could get in trouble with the law.
When flight attendants catch naughty nooky-makers, their primary goal is getting them to stop without alerting other passengers or making a scene. So if you get caught, stop, be cool and act as nothing happened. One final word of advice, if you are expecting an earth-shattering climax, it's not going to happen. Everything is dull at altitude, your sense of taste, smell, everything.
Are you ready to book yourself a trip of a lifetime? ;-) Have you joined the Mile High Club? Let us know in the comments below how you pulled of joining the high flying club?
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5:53 pm Friday, 31st May, 2019
Done it |
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6:33 pm Monday, 3rd June, 2019
The fuck? |
